The Playhouse

One of the items I found when I sorted through some of Mother’s books was a large, dog-eared book of nursery rhymes. I opened its musty smelling pages and breathed childhood! I could picture sitting close to Mother while she read these rhymes and riddles to me. As I turned the worn pages I was surprised to find that I could recite many of them. O for the days of childhood memorization abilities!
As I read some of my favorites, I thought how strange they would sound to my grandchildren. In fact, I would be hard pressed to enter my nursery rhyme book in competition with iPad entertainment that their young fingers and minds have mastered.
Not only would the original nursery rhymes be foreign to their culture, their philosophies would be too. I entertained myself a bit as I adapted some for today’s culture. Consider me childish and on Mother Goose’s Hit List, but I call it concerned:

Little Jack Horner; sat in a corner,
Playing his video games.
In school, he failed; his parents wailed,
“His teacher was to blame!”

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick.
Jack just lifted my candle stick!

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggie a bone.
When she got there
The cupboard was bare.
The government won’t leave her alone!
 
Three blind mice, three blind mice.
See how they run, see how they run.
They all ran after the farmer’s wife
To ask for help to restore their sight.
She wrote a grant to fund their plight.
Three rich mice, three rich mice.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a pedophile who
Easily beguiled her
And snatched Miss Muffet away.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown, told Jill to call a lawyer!

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn.
The Dow is falling, our nation’s torn.
Where are the leaders who care for the sheep?
They’re extending their terms and fleecing the sheep!

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
Had so many children she didn’t know what to do
So she gave them some broth without any bread,
Whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed.
She was arrested.

Hush Little Baby, don’t say a word.
Planned Parenthood is here to serve.

Here’s the church, and here’s the steeple. Open the door, (gasp) where’s the people?
 
Little Bo Peep has lost her job and doesn’t know where to find it.
If I may guess – I think ‘tis true – “Made in China” found it!

Jack Sprat could eat no fat; His wife could eat no lean.
So he stayed home and she, alone, dined at Dairy Queen.

Uncle Sam sat on a wall. Uncle Sam had a great fall.
All the keen forces and all the keen men
Couldn’t put America back together again.

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater; had a wife and couldn’t keep her.
Prayed she’d give her heart to Jesus. And she did, now she’s a Seeker!
 
Mary had a little Lamb
Whose face shown white as snow.
And everyone who lived in Him
Would sure to heaven go.

Then there’s the Proverb: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Self-explanatory!
Camille Anding
camilleanding@gmail.com